Lullaby

Easier said than done. But it can be done. ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣

What is your internal dialogue telling you? How do you speak to yourself? How do you speak about yourself? ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣

I will be the first to admit that my internal dialogue for the better part of my life has not been loving, kind, supportive, encouraging, empowering, or accepting of myself.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣Instead, it has been harsh, critical, self-deprecating, unsupportive, and unloving. ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣

How could I possibly expect myself to thrive when I was robbing myself of the only love that really matters - my own.⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣

This journey of chronic illness has been transformative. It's taken me to very dark places, and shown me the darker sides of myself that didn't feel good. These were versions of myself that I loathed being but seemed trapped in at the time, when the illness was new and the grief over lost dreams and a lost life were fresh.⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣

In more recent times, it's finally starting to carry me into a world of light. Where I feel like I'm changing for the better. Where I feel like my mind is transforming and that inner voice is taking on a new tone.⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣

But I will say this - right now, in the chaos, amidst the sensory overload, in the middle of disrupted routines, and bombarded with noise, it's so much harder to hear that voice. It's so much harder to soothe myself into that ever-so-coveted peaceful state. I know it can be done, but it's hard. It's so hard when your body is falling apart, your nerves are frayed, and your hypersensitized central nervous system is overloaded.⁣⁣ I can barely hear myself think. ⁣⁣ ⁣

During times like these, I suppose all I can ask of myself is to keep trying to find those pockets of peace, to keep prioritizing the cultivation of a more positive and loving inner voice, and to be gentle with myself when I just can't do it.